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Weakness #1:  I’m not good enough.

My fear that I’m not good enough is the biggest obstacle between where I want my business to be and where it is now . (Anyone with me on this?  I hear it’s pretty common.)

I’ve compensated over the years by attending trainings galore and getting certified to facilitate empowerment, doula women through childbirth, coach folks through transformation and holistically counsel about health. The verdict: I’m not ready yet.

Back into the oven. This time I sprinkle in some reiki, reflexology and human design. Umm…still not ready.

I need to learn how to run a business. I find guru #1 who leads to guru #2 and a slew of others.  Before you know it, I’ve got a “step by step” blueprint to create a million-dollar coaching practice if I so chose.  But something doesn’t feel right.

I keep seeking, feeling my way through the darkness of my doubt. A few google searches and Facebook links later, I come across a new flavor of marketing I can gel with.  Evelyn Lim…leads to Slade Roberson then Zen Habits and White Hot Truth. I’m inspired:  I want to touch people with my words the same way I’ve just been moved.

Then I find Remarkable Communication, and Itty Biz and the Third Tribe and I believe in my dream again:  I can actually make a living doing this thing that I love and ask for that money without feeling slimy.

So what’s holding me back?

Am..I…good enough?

Weakness #2:  I’m Too Sensitive

Like any good therapist-in-training, this questions prompts another:  when was the first time you felt you weren’t good enough?

I remember my first creative flop clearly. I didn’t just get 2 thumbs down, I literally got laughed at and broken down into a crying, defeated mess.  I was in 5th grade.

It’s the night before the Young Author’s Conference at school.  I’ve written a great story about a little girl who’s an undercover superhero.  Her superhuman power is turning dejected kids who get bullied on the regular into world-famous superheroes.  I’m super-excited and can’t wait to see the look on everyone’s face when they first read my masterpiece.

A story this great deserves an extra-special cover. So I ditch the pre-cut cardstock paper my teacher handed out in class and gather materials from around the house:  an old cardboard box from the backyard, a pink and brown tie-dye dress that’s gettting too small for me, some cotton balls from my mother’s bathroom, glue and scissors.

I spend hours, cutting, stuffing, drawing and gluing.  Before I know it, the full moon is out and it’s dinner time.

I walk into the dining room as if I’m walking down the red carpet with my one-of-a-kind book cover on display by my side.

“What is that?”  my sister asks.  “Ugly.” is my brother’s quick reply.  Everyone bursts out laughing.  Even my mommy.

I’m willing them away, but the tears ignore my desperate pleas.  There’s no hope:  I feel the first one trickle down my face.  Followed by another. Then another.  My shoulders shake uncontrollably and a downpour ensues.

My mother attempts to remedy the situation:  “Stop crying, nne.  Don’t be so sensitive.  It’s not that big a deal!  It’s just that you’re so creative, we’ve never seen a book cover like that.”  My brother snickers.

I  run out the dining room with my snotty nose, empty stomach and rejected book cover and lock myself in my room. I stop my tears by writing hateful things about my brother and terrible family.

Weakness #3:  I’m an Escape Artist

Oh, the drah-ma!  Wish I could say it was just my age, but my inner drama-queen still emerges from time to time.  In fact she comes up every time I start writing a blog post or come up with an idea for my first product.

Even though I’m 35 now and supposed to be all grown up, I still stomp away from uncomfortable situations and lock myself in a room to sulk.  Metaphorically speaking. (I mean I’m somebody’s mother now so I’ve got to act least act grown up about it).

Escape is still something I do very well. I’ve perfected it over the years.  I can gather up my feelings and flee a threatening situation in a heartbeat. Super fast.  Superhero-style.

In my business, escape looks like not starting my blog until my re-designed website is up.  Then wasting 4 hours working on my new header instead of following Dave Navarro’s workbook and being half-way done with my first mini-product.

Escaping from life has its drawbacks too. I’ve ignored my bills to the point where pink envelopes started coming and I couldn’t withdraw $20 from the ATM.  I’ve let people who “love me” continually disrespect my boundaries to the point it became abusive and hurtful.  One of my escapades led to a debilitating yearlong depression:  I lost my job, a bunch of weight and almost all motivation to live.

I’ve escaped and I lost faith that I’d find my way home.

Lesson learned? Too much escape is no good.  I had spent so much time on the sidelines, I felt rusty and uncomfortable and “not good enough” when I came back into the game. Eventually life had to kick my butt to bring me back down to earth to face reality.

Checking out of life so often also affected my peace of mind. For one thing, I got so serious!  (When did that happen?  I used to be such a playful kid…)

I felt unfulfilled.  My heart knew there was something missing.  Its constant cravings were only satiated when I took steps – even baby steps – towards doing my thing.

Reality check:  I don’t need another training or book or information product.  I just need take action.

My Greatest Gifts = Self-doubt + “Too Sensitive” + Checking Out

There’s a flip side to all my issues. And there’s a flip side to yours too.  It’s how we’re wired.

When I was running around trying to “fix” up my shadowy, “less-than-perfect” self, I was also pushing away the strengths they carried on their flip-side.

Think about one of your “issues” or “weaknesses”, whatever you call it…that thing about yourself that you’ve struggled with your whole life and you wish was different.

Now picture it as a coin. One one side are all the things you usually focus on:  the “bad” things you wish were different.

On the flip side picture all the good stuff:  the strengths and gifts and lessons learned that can make a difference to someone else.

For instance.  My issue: I’m an introverted, highly sensitive person.

Often I’ve wished I were a bubbly, vivacious extrovert or a tough cookie who really meant it when she said:  Sticks and stones may break my bones but your words will never hurt me.

But instead I’m me.

The weakness: I’m too sensitive, check out regularly and enjoy the boring, un-glamorous work of listening to people’s issues stories and learning about personal transformation.

I learned to accept myself out of sheer exhaustion. All the over-achieving and over-committing to “fix” myself, took A LOT of energy. (Important lesson #2 from depression: it’s so much easier to approve of yourself than try to kill yourself to win other people’s approval.)

The flip side: My introversion is a strength. Silence recharges me and reconnects me to an inexhaustible well of power. I’m on first name basis with all my fears, doubts, shame and neuroses.  At Rumi’s suggestion I have tea with them often.

I can persevere through the rough times with the best of them.  Personal transformation and people’s inner world turn me on. I’m passionate about healing and know the joy of witnessing (re)birth.

The gift: People can tell me things they’ve never told anyone before.  Superhero-like escape artist skills help me listen deeply and make friends with their pain.  My too-sensitive-crybaby is my compass. She prompts me to ask questions that help people feel their way through the murkiness.

Because I’ve traveled this road so many times on my own, my faith that they’ll find their way through lights their path.

We always find our way through. That, I have no doubt about.

What’s on the flip side of your “weaknesses”?  Share it with me in the comments section:-)